A Few Alternative Thoughts

 For LL in the UK

Lounging by my pool the other day (the indoor one here in New Hampshire), I reflected on how you might have fitted into my life, or me into yours.

We were getting there at one point, I believe, but then the disparities arose. They were minor to start with. Your idea of fashion versus mine, my ambition versus yours, my imagination, versus yours. The fashion thing I could deal with. I just refused to wear clothes you suggested for me. I remember I humored you for a while, but went back to my own instincts. Difficult to change at our ages then.

When it came to our imaginations and ambitions there was quite a rift. Mine looked at the horizon, yours didn't get beyond the end of your nose, which is largely why you missed out on the life I offered

As the years roll by it is difficult for me to remember the good times with you. All I recall is what you did. There were good times but somehow they have been completely smothered in my mind, by how you acted. Immaturely.

I don't know how your lockdown has been but mine has been great.

I have my place by the ocean on Nantucket island and my home and the ranch here. I managed a stay in my home in Florida a few weeks back. I'm looking to get over to Italy this Fall if I can and at least I have my own jet to get me there. Here at the ranch there is plenty for me to do and acres and acres to roam without leaving my property. I think your son and grandson would love it...as long as they were aware of the black bears😉. Actually, they tend to head deeper into the forest when they see you rather anything else.

Now Oregon, which I will be heading to sometime, has mountain lions, bears, coyotes and wolves.

I'm told you still reside in that semi-detached place of yours LL. That makes me wonder why you haven't moved. I have always thought of you as impulsive and initially when I met you, something of a risk taker, but it seems not. Unlike me, you seem rooted in that street, which isn't somewhere I would wish to spend the rest of my days, nor at your man's place over the border in Fk. Both pretty small places crowded in among others.

It exercised my mind, briefly, the other day as to what may have happened if I had granted your wish and we had remained friends. Would you have dallied with me behind your man's back in the same way you did behind mine? I know that you greatly enjoyed sex with me, even though I can't say it was equally as good from my side of things.

Would you have realised the mistake you had made...or rather mistakes? That I don't know categorically, but I believe you know and would have known, even back then. After all, your 'famous' remark about always making the wrong decisions told me a lot about you and what you realised after you had acted. You know that what you did was impulsive and foolish, given what you could have enjoyed with me.

For my part I was without doubt or hesitation ready to settle down with you. I was totally committed to you until your March 2004 revelation. I would happily have spent my life with you and taken on your boys, as they were then, giving them a life they would never have otherwise. Not even from your man. 

I fell for you from the outset and, if I am honest, a small part of me still feels very fond of you. It's a shame you did what you did and betrayed me, but the other side of that coin is that you released me. I couldn't trust you after what you told me in March 2004. That 'release' enabled me to have a good time, a very good time and eventually led me into the arms of my second wife. I was far wealthier than you imagined LL. I was also very careful in what I disclosed. Your 'advice' about not revealing to much to other women after we had parted, made me smile.

All these years have passed since last we were together. Sixteen in all. My life has been very good since then, despite my losing Ash to cancer, and it still is. I am extremely wealthy and don't have a worry in the world. I have Ash's family and my own, of course, nine grandchildren, four of my own and five via Brad and Tom, Ash's sons. Most of all I have my health and am still fit and firing on all cylinders....and I mean firing! Oh...and I'm fully vaccinated for Covid, courtesy of Pfizer and have been for several weeks.

I guess at your age heading for sixty eight you no doubt need oestrogen supplements to keep you in any sort of shape for his/your 'needs'. Health-wise you seem to have lost the plot over your weight, although I'm not surprised given the booze and food you, and him, consume. I doubt that your weight would have gained as much as it has, had you been with me.

To me your life is a series of disasters, with the possible exception of your current man, but life if you can call it that, with him seems pretty boring to me viewed from the life I lead.

Maybe I should be grateful. Grateful to you for revealing your true colors early enough for me to pursue a different course. Grateful that I didn't get dragged down by your working class attitudes. Grateful for spurring me into action elsewhere with that resulting in my meeting Ash. Most of all the best thing I did was to live here in the USA, where I already had friends and family.

You really knew so little about me LL...in all respects. I'm very glad that my decision not the reveal everything about me was the right one. I tend to make all the the right decisions and you, in your own words, make all the wrong ones.

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